I’m not happy. And it’s about damn time I did something about it. There are so many things that I want to do. If stripping is affording me the privilege of making good money and working less, I think that now is a perfect-beyond-perfect time to just start making my life what I want it to be.
I’ve been spending my life using excuses so often I’m not sure I know how to function without them. I’m tired all of the time, or completely manic out of my gourd. I don’t spend the kind of time on things that I love doing that I want to. I instead spend time doing things to fill up the time, make the boredom go away, be less lonely, and just get through the day. But I don’t want to “get through the day”. I want to live through my days. And I’m fucking sick of the way that I’m living.
Here’s my list to get my life to be closer to how I envision it and less of happenstance:
- Go vegan. I’ve wanted to do this for years. Dabbled in it, thought about it, talked to others about it, and defended the idea from the likes of meat-chomping friends and acquaintances. I keep saying I’ll do it when I learn to cook, or when I quit stripping (I burn a LOT of calories stripping), or when xyz. Fuck it. It’s about damn time.
- Submit my poetry to poetry contests. PW.org lists a bazillion contests, and I keep saying I want to finish this poetry collection ("Ecdysiast") and submit it somewhere. I’ve got like eight poems, and I’d like to have about forty more before I do something with it. I’ve been “working” on it for a month. I wonder what would happen if I took it seriously, and actually wrote on a daily basis?
- Get back into school. I have ten credits to finish my Associate’s degree. Seriously, I’m so close I should have just finished it last summer. The classes are relatively cheap, and there’s a good chance I could just pay for them on a payment plan.
- Get my financial life on track. I need a savings account for miscellanous emergencies and financial goals that I have. I need a checking account to be able to write checks instead of trying to live my life in money orders (which often causes me to pay bills late). I’d like to save money towards paying my taxes next year, so that I’m not going insane trying to figure out how in the hell to pay for it.
- Stop drinking so much soda. I drink about 2-3 two-liter bottles of Diet Mountain Dew every day. It’s ridiculous, and there’s no good reason I can’t drink something else. Also, I’d wind up saving about $170/month.
- Drink less beer. I drink 5-6 days/week (remember that drinking is encouraged at my job). That’s dumb. And I don’t need to; I don’t even FEEL like I need to.
- Learn to do the splits.
- Once and for all, potty train my dog so reliably that I don’t have to worry about it for the most part.
- Garden more. It’s something that I enjoy, as I just learned, and I have the ability to grow more things if I rent space at the stables to do that (I want to plant carrots there!).
- Work more often. I skip work often because I’m doing okay money-wise. But I bet if I worked an extra day every week, I’d have more disposable cash to put into that savings account and achieve some of these goals. Plus, it keeps me fit, and I like it.
- Work really hard at pole dancing. I love the new classes and studio that I’m in, and I’ve been going twice a week instead of once a week. I also want to save up enough money to put a pole of my own in my apartment. It’ll give me something to do besides go to the bar.
- Ditch the gym membership and find a work-out plan that I can really work with. I want to spend more time stretching, and I want to feel fit and look good. There are lots of places on my body that could really use toning and to be more flexible, and that would help me achieve more goals.
- Mental health. I see a therapist once a week. I wonder what would happen if I worked on these goals more often and did a little extra “homework” between sessions? I need my medication adjusted again, I think, too.
- My biggest passion is riding horses. I have a horse, and I love him. I desperately want to ride more, and work towards some competitions this year. I’d love to take extra lessons and work at a stable that’s about 30 minutes north of my town. I also want to fit in more lessons with the trainer that I have. Now that it’s nice out, I have no excuse.
Whew. That’s the list. I feel better just writing it.